


Memories

by Fighter1Day



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stolen Futures, Tears, Trans Male Character, Trans!Junkrat, domestic AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fighter1Day/pseuds/Fighter1Day
Summary: Life is defined by the past. When he thinks on his past Junkrat recognizes that his life has been defined by chaos and destruction, but to wish that none of it happened would remove the two things that give him a life, a future.





	

It was early, the wall panels still dim to imitate the early sunrise that couldn’t penetrate the thick walls of the base. He missed it. The warmth of the sun, enough to burn when they hadn’t found shelter during midday. He missed the open expanse of the sky. The occasional breeze that did nothing but spit hot sand in his face. In here, it was only metal. Cold, clean, lifeless metal. He knew he didn’t miss the struggle of trying to survive, nor did he miss the hell that had been brought to life.

He only missed the worlds he had lost. The world in his fantasies where his mum would be taking hold of her grandbaby, lifting the tiny girl in the air… the way she’d done with him. Where they could all lay out on the grass in the garden he could never remember just right. Where they could see the stars in clear night skies before going inside to sleep in warm beds. In that world, he would have his arm and leg still. He’d have all his hair and sanity… but he wouldn’t have Mako…

Tears filled his eyes as he nuzzled closer into the man’s side. It made him ache. To know that if the omnium never blew Mako would be holding somebody else. He bit his lip. To know that their daughter wouldn’t be here. To know that his bodyguard–his partner–would be waking up to the cries of somebody else’s baby.

He couldn’t feel the tears as they began to fall. It took him a moment to recognize that the wetness blossoming on the sheets between himself and Mako was coming from him. Curled desperately close to the man he loved, he was crying. Shame washed over him as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. All he managed to do was press his hand over the lower half of his face, a failed attempt to suppress the choking sob that was building in his chest.

“’Rat?”

He gasped when he felt his partner shift beside him. The hoarse voice startling him. More gasps and sobs fell from his lips now that he had been caught; now that Mako was awake and knew that he was crying. Withdrawing his hand, he tried to respond, “Oi’m f-fine. Oi promise.”

“You’re not though.”

The pain in his chest was renewed and it hurt so much worse than before. He pressed his hand against the scarred expanse of Mako’s back. He bowed his head to rest his forehead gently between the larger man’s shoulder blades. “Mako…” his voice cracked, restrained by the overwhelming need to just bawl and forget any attempts at sharing why he was sobbing in the middle of the night.

He squeezed his eyelids tight over his eyes as he felt the mattress dip. As he tried to ignore the grunt his partner made as he repositioned himself to better care for the smaller of the pair. As he refused to jump when a hand engulfed the right side of his face, the thumb stroking his cheek to wipe away tears. “Talk to me, Jamie.” Thick lips pressed against his temple, the bed creaking as it adjusted to the shifting weight. “I’m right here, just for you.”

The sobs that he held in a tight mass in his chest exploded outward. Tears flowed freely onto the sheets as he turned away from his partner. His hand fisted the sheets as he shook; ragged breathing punctuated by shouts that carried no words but the agony of a man who could not survive further loss. When hands wrapped around his middle, lifting him from his place in bed, he surrendered himself to the larger man. He threw his arm around the man’s neck. His hand carding through curls of silver as he clung to his partner.

“Jamie…” Mako cradled the smaller man. He grimaced at the thought that he was the cause of this. Of all the tears that the Junker had shed since they joined Overwatch. Of the pain, the invalidation, the mistrust… it was all rooted back to him and his failure to protect Jamison. “I’m so sorry.”

They held each other until Jamie’s shaking stopped and his hand slid down from where it had been firmly planted at the base of Mako’s skull. The pounding of his partner’s heart just beneath his fingertips. He didn’t move beyond that, laying still against the larger Junker. He was silent. Just held close to his loved one. Though he was no longer trembling and was producing no more sound, the tears still dripped down his cheeks. They rolled down lazily, slow as if they were being caught by his freckles.

A thick knuckle of a finger pressed against the underside of his chin, lifting his gaze. Mako leaned back slightly, moving to better meet reddened eyes. “’Rat… Jamison,” he spoke slow, obviously suppressing urge to cry with the lanky man. “Tell me what’s hurting you, please.”

“Oi jus’…” He looked away, shame capturing his features. “If it weren’t for everything goin’ ta’ pot, Oi woulda’ never met you. An’ if Oi hadn’t ta’ met you, we wouldn’t be ‘ere… we wouldn’t be together…” When he looked back at Mako, his eyes were watering again. The insecurities clinging to those thoughts so heavy on his mind. “You’d be off with your ‘appy wife, a real wife, an’ you’d still have your kids, your real…”

“Stop.”

Jamie closed his mouth before he forgot. The tone was stern, but not like it used to be. It spoke out of a pain that Jamie’s worries had rekindled, a pain Mako hoped he’d never have to heal. “We have a real daughter.” He pressed the hand holding the smaller man too him just a little tighter. “You’ll never be my wife,” he almost chuckled but hurriedly finished the statement when he heard a gasp, “no, Jamie, you’d be my husband, a real husband. I didn’t think you’d really care for being married to anyone. You’re always so headstrong— “

“Oi think ya mean reckless,” he quipped.

“Well, you are,” Mako rolled his eyes as he spoke, “but that’s not what I mean. You’re independent, even after all this time with me you want–you need–to do everything for yourself. I have to wait until you break something before you’ll even consider asking for me.” He sighed, stroking a tear stained cheek. “I wish you’d talk to me about stuff like this ‘stead of letting it build up.”

Jamie huffed, “it’s not important so why would Oi bother you about it?”

“Listen.” He waited until his charge’s eyes met his own, smiling softly at him. “Everything you could have to say is important to me, everything. I wanna know if you stub your little toe, and not because I was your bodyguard. I wanna know because you’re my partner.”

Amber eyes flashed and became unfocused when the younger Junker became flustered. He struggled for words. All the things he could say, everything he wanted to say… There was so much… Reaching forward, he wrapped his arm as tight as he could around Mako’s shoulder and buried his face just beneath his chin. His grip only grew stronger when he too was embraced.

“Never let me go, please.”

“Never…”

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for my hiatus. My classes became a bit much. I hope to become more active following my semester finals and complete a few of the stories that I have begun.
> 
> This story follows with those from my established storyline, though the mentions of Jamison's identity and their daughter are few and far between. I promise to get to the point where I can put everything in proper order in a series and I apologize about my tardiness in doing so.
> 
> As always, with any other, please respect both me and my work if you chose to comment or critique.  
> Thank you.


End file.
